The Gospel Truth

12 REASONS A MASSAGE IS BETTER THAN SEX (For older men) | April 15, 2012

Older Married Couples Sex

Can think of three more reasons

   I It it takes much longer 

  II there is never a performance failure

 III he never has to take a pill 

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never a failure

 iv his afterglow can last for days, not minutes

  v he can fall asleep before it is over

vi he can have several partners without guilt

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can fall asleep before its over

 vii he seldom needs a shower after

viii if he has a heart attack she is already dressed

  ix much more of his body is engaged

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no guilt

   x he Never has to worry about babies

  XI he can hear the music 

 xii he can close his eyes the entire time

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thinking about his next massage

 

            


4 Comments »

  1. […] 12 REASONS A MASSAGE IS BETTER THAN SEX (For older men) […]

    Pingback by A Fore-Touch of Heaven PART I « The Gospel Truth — April 19, 2012 @ 1:57 am

  2. Mmmm I’m not too sure about all that Bill. It certainly re-affirms my reservations knowing a clergyman who would never miss his monthly full body massages, travelling a couple of hundred kilometres by train to aquire it.
    I never asked if he ever took his brieviary to read on the trip.
    Thanks for elaborating on it.

    Comment by L. Newington — April 19, 2012 @ 6:07 pm

  3. How much does a massage cost??? How often do
    you recommend one should get one???

    Wonder if it will be provided by Obamacare???

    MF

    Comment by MF — April 19, 2012 @ 8:20 pm

  4. Dear MF:

    First of all you want to make certain where you go is a reputable spa. Massage Envy is good for beginners. I think you can get an introductory rate of $39-$45 for a 50-minute massage. They usually use the Swedish style which uses softer, short strokes. Face and Body Spas in St. Louis—another chain is more expensive because their therapists are more experienced. I suggest you ask for a therapeutic massage, which employers some longer strokes that really get the blood flowing. They can also do your “glutes,” which I think are essential for the ultimate of good feeling.
    Glute is the argot for bottom–the old gluteus maximus, which includes five major muscle groups. It is always a shame that some places wont touch them because of personal modesty issues. I address that in Part II. Try it one time and then you can go back as often—as you want–twice a week is ideal…maybe once a month would work for you. You will look forward to it as much as getting your hair done. Bb

    Comment by bbprof — April 19, 2012 @ 8:50 pm


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About author

After graduating from Holy Cross, Bill Borst earned an MA in Asian History from St. John's University and a Ph.D in American History from St. Louis University. (1972) A former New Yorker, he taught for many years in the St. Louis area, while also hosting a weekly radio show on WGNU from 1984-2006. He currently is a regular substitute for conservative Phyllis Schlafly on KSIV radio. (1320) He is the author of two books on social history, "Liberalism: Fatal Consequences," and "The Scorpion and the Frog: A Natural Conspiracy." He just retired as the Features editor of the Mindszenty Foundation Monthly Report. In his 11 years from 2003-2013 he wrote nearly 130 essays on Catholic culture and world affairs. Many in St. Louis also know him as the "Baseball Professor," because of a course that he offered at Maryville College from 1973-74. It was arguably the first fully-accredited baseball history course in the Midwest.The author of several short books on the old St. Louis Browns, he started the St. Louis Browns Historical Society in 1984. In 2009 his first two plays were produced on the local stage. "The Last Memory of an Ol' Brownie Fan," ran six performances at the Sound Stage in Crestwood and "A Perfect Choice" ran for two performances at the Rigali Center Theater in Shrewsberry. His third play, "A Moment of Grace," ran six performances at DeSmet High School in January of 2011with First Run Theater in January of 2011. He is currently working on a 4th play, "A Family Way," which is a comedy about a happy dysfunctional family. He can reached at bbprof@sbcglobal.net

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